Nearly 5 years ago, during my first year at BSSM in Redding, California, God asked me, “Who will go for My lost sons? Who will go for ISIS? Who will go for the human traffickers?” Without much hesitation I said, “Me”, and then He asked, “What will you do when they put a gun to your head?”
To be honest, this question threw me a little, it wasn’t what I was expecting and I had to sit and think about what I would do, as it wasn’t something I had ever considered before! After a while of considering this I knew what I would say. I would say, “You can pull the trigger and I forgive you and Jesus will never stop pursuing you because He loves you.”
That seemed to be the end of the conversation and so, after journaling a little, I got on with life. I didn’t feel like God was asking me to go to the Middle East, though I did tell Him I was willing to go if He asked.
Fast forward 4 years to April 2020 and the first lockdown in the UK and God brings up the Middle East again. He starts talking me to me about Syria and little by little, begins to break my heart for the Syrian people and their plight. Again, I say I will go and He begins to talk to me about my next steps.
During these conversations He reminded me of when He had asked me about the gun being put to my head, and I felt like He asked me if I was prepared to face that. Now, because of when He had asked me previously, I felt like I could answer this with no hesitation. Yes, I was ready to face a gun being put to my head, I would probably be scared but I knew exactly what I would say and if they pulled the trigger, I would be in heaven with Jesus. This didn’t seem like too hard a choice really.
Now, I’m not saying that this is going to happen, but the truth is that where I may end up can be a dangerous place in which to be a follower of Jesus, and I can’t truly count the cost if I haven’t truly recognised what the cost may be.
Shortly after this, someone sent me a link to a documentary about the church in Iran. It was so encouraging but also raised some new questions. Suddenly death seemed like the easy option, it was what might come before it that was the issues. Would I really be prepared to be persecuted for Jesus? To be beaten and tortured for Him and stay faithful?
This, in all honesty, was a bit of a tussle. I wanted to say yes but I didn’t know if that would be true. After all, I have never faced persecution or torture, and it is very different considering it from a place of safety in the UK to actually being faced with it.
As I chatted with Jesus about this, He reminded me of when Stephen saw the heavens open and Jesus stood at the right hand of the Father. He then said that His plans would not lead me where His grace could not sustain me and that, like Stephen, He would keep me in perfect peace. These two things gave me the confidence to say yes, I could face anything if He would sustain and uphold me with His grace and peace.
As time has gone on since this conversation I have had my doubts. Will I really stay loyal to Jesus and not recant if I face persecution and torture? As I have already said, it feels like an easy thing to say yes to in the safety of the UK.
So recently, I was chatting with Jesus about my doubts as to whether I would truly stay faithful whatever I faced and that, I did not want to let Him down or disown Him. Having never faced torture, I truly cannot say without a doubt what I will do if that is in my future. What He said next blew me away!
“I trust you Michelle.”
How amazing is that? The King of the heavens, the Creator of all things, Yahweh, trusts me! I heard Him and I cried. In fact, when I think about how much He trusts me, I still cry. It is almost unbelievable that the Author of life itself would trust me to stay faithful to Him whatever I face. All I can do in response is to keep my eyes fixed on Him as I continue this journey and trust that what He has said is the truth!
The truth is that He trusts all of us more than we could imagine. How crazy is that! Being outside of time and knowing the end from the beginning, He knows every decision and choice we will ever make, both good and not so good, but His declaration is still that He trusts us.
So knowing this, I choose to walk the journey laid out before me trusting that He is right when He says that He will keep me in perfect peace, and that His plans will not take me where His grace cannot sustain me. Hand in hand with Jesus I can, and will, face whatever this adventure brings because He is the One who is able to keep me in every circumstance.
Adventures with Jesus! Happy heart! Blessed indeed!
Consumedbyloveandgrace 